I have always thought that God had a sense of humor, however I could not prove it. Sure, there were clues everywhere: Politicians who lecture us about the evils of Gay people, who later turn out to be VERY Gay themselves. Jumbo-shrimp, New Jersey, and of course- weather forecasting; all great examples of God’s wit.
Today, I have solid proof that God has a great sense of humor.
The 2010 climate change / global warming summit has come to an end in sunny, warm- Cancun, Mexico; and guess what..??
Cancun has not been this cold (54 degrees) in over one hundred years. God; you have a masterful sense of humor.
Maybe you think that this is only a “one-time event”, and this could not be proof of a “funny” God, or the act of denouncing man made climate change. Oh, no, no..
Two years ago, parts of the global warming summit had to be canceled because of a very heavy snow fall. It happens so often that people have coined the phrase: “The Gore Effect.” If Al Gore is scheduled to speak at a global warming conference, bring your winter coats because it will be cold. LINK And lets not forget about the climate scientists who hiked up to the Arctic to see for themselves the effects of Global Warming. Unfortunately, the scientists were not prepared for the changing Arctic weather, a storm rolled in and they were trapped. None of their equipment worked in the bitter cold and they had to be rescued. Maybe they didn’t know about “The Gore Effect?”
OK, maybe you do not believe in God, and therefore this stuff that I am talking about is all based (for you) on “random-chance.” There is no God-ly plan in any of this. Yes, I understand your position, but if something happens more than “once”, how can it be “random” or just by “chance?” If it keeps happening, doesn’t it deserve equal study? (Scientifically speaking, of course.)
I will get back to you “God-less” people in a moment, but first I wanted to return to the believers...
If you believe in God and prophecy, you might not find anything funny in what I am saying. (IE- My theory of God, and his sense of humor.) Is God trying to tell us something and what God has to say is no laughing matter? But what would God be saying...
“..STOP playing God, you assholes..”
OK, God might not talk that way, but you get my drift.
How could Global Warming people be playing God? Because they believe that they can regulate the world’s temperature. By wearing a sweater in the house and turning down the thermostat. Don’t forget to put a sweater on the kitty, and a few bandages on your clawed-up arms and face. (Kitty doesn’t like wearing sweaters.) Also, by plugging your Chevy Volt electric car into the wall outlet and sucking up all that Green power produced by the local coal burning power plant. Or, you can change the world’s temperature by sitting in a dark-dirty corner and breathing as little as possible. And don’t forget about adding a HUGE tax to change the world’s temperature.
These are all great ways of showing how freaking GREEN you are, but scientists are 5 steps ahead of you...
In Ohio, scientists have found a protein that slows the melting of ice. (Chemical reaction in ice raises the melting point.) These scientists can reproduce this in the lab, and they would love to try it out, on a large scale, in the Arctic. OK, I know that I say this a lot, but: “Isn’t this how EVERY scary movie starts out?” Scientists, trying to save the earth, spray their secret chemical on the Arctic ice, and guess what? It works. But it works TOO GOOD. Ice never melts, and we run out of fresh water, and the earth is plunged into an ice age. And, of course, we all die. (Except for the famous actors who are featured in this scary movie. They have sex and repopulate the earth.)
Maybe this is what the Supreme Being meant when he said: “Stop playing God.”
However, I digress back for the benefit of the non-believer. No government on EARTH would be stupid enough to allow an un-tested chemical to be used on a large scale without a comprehensive study. Your stupid “scary movie” scenario could never happen, AR Babonie.
Ooohhh, don’t be so quick to give government more credit than it is due. You have not lived long enough, my friend.
In 2005, President GW Bush decided that republicans should do “something” to act like we “care” about global warming. So, taking the advice of the left wing global warming people, Bush signed into law the mandate of ethanol additives. All gas stations will add up to 10% ethanol by Dec 31, 2010; and tax incentives would be given to companies which developed ethanol technologies. Using ethanol would help us get away from that dirty, smelly foreign oil.
Sounds GREAT, doesn’t it..??
Except, well...
No one REALLY thought about it, or tested it thoroughly. It seems that corn farmers are selling their corn to ethanol producers (because they get tax breaks) and they can make more money instead of selling the corn to food producers and cattle ranchers. (But we need corn for food, how can they do that..??) And, ethanol doesn’t burn very good in older, or smaller engines. Even Al Gore and President Obama NOW agree that corn-based ethanol wasn’t a very good idea. But, we made it THE LAW. So, screw you humans and you taxpayers. Just deal with it.
Is this what God, (or, for the non-believer) Mother Earth is trying to tell us..?? “Stop rushing these stupid global warming laws into effect without testing them. Someone could get hurt.”
Is this why Cancun has a century old record low temperature during the global warming summit?
OK, let me back up for a moment; maybe you think that I am crazy for not supporting “man made climate change” reversal efforts, however; think about this...
How will a “Cap and Trade” tax clean up the CO2 from the earth’s atmosphere? If a Cap and Trade tax will be added to any smokey factory that exceeds the CO2 emissions limit, yet the factory is not shut down; how will this stop global warming? Isn’t this just a way to raise taxes, and not really a way to stop greenhouse gas emissions?
OK, now follow me a minute here, because this is VERY important...
Didn’t you liberal- progressives just claim that the Bush tax cuts shouldn’t be kept for the rich people because we cannot afford them, and it will not affect anything because rich people will eat the new higher tax rate? Didn’t you claim that rich people will not change things like: close down factories, or lay off workers, because of a tax raise?
So why would you think that a Cap and Trade tax would cause rich companies to say: “Oh my God, they are adding a CO2 tax to our company. We MUST shut down this smokey factory and build a new multi-billion dollar GREEN facility.”
That is not going to happen, and you know that it is not going to happen. Companies will pay the tax, keep their smokey factories running, raise the costs of their products, and pass this tax on to you. So, why are you supporting a law that will not lower greenhouse emissions, will not “save the earth”, and will cause higher utility rates for the poorest Americans?
Really folks, this is why I search for humor in a topic like global warming. It is the only way that I can deal with the insanity of the situation and the proposed global warming solutions.
It really works, picture this...
God is slapping his knee and letting out a belly laugh while people are freezing during the Climate Summit, and Al Gore’s speech on global warming is canceled because it is too cold out.
Will higher taxes make the earth cooler..??
Sure it will..!!
The government will spend the new tax money to study the affects of cocaine on monkeys. (Just like they did last year, the government spent 2 millions bucks to study monkeys on cocaine.) While jacked up on coke; one monkey will confess to us on how “we all got here.” (Evolution, and all.) Knowing how we achieved human intelligence, from one cranked up monkey, and how fragile this random-chance existence is; we humans will begin to walk to work, stop taking a hot bath and showers, and wear ugly Christmas sweaters in the house.
We will save the earth. We will be an ugly group of smelly humans with big-bulky thighs, but we will keep those monkeys jacked up on cocaine for years.
Yes, high taxes will make the earth cooler, and we will be living in Utopia. Which, by the way, Utopia is an abandoned auto parts store.
Written by AR Babonie for The Angry Republic
