The Generic Republican made me do it!

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Try as you might, you cannot escape the fact that another presidential election is coming.

You could attempt to do what I tried to do: take 6 months and tune out of politics by spending your time weaving baskets and raising lamas. BUT YOU CANNOT HIDE- forever. Sooner or later a person will drag you back into politics. It could be a Postman, or a Milkman, or the Cheeseman, dropping off a big slab of free government cheese; someone will pop by your house and ask: “Hey, who do you think will win the 2012 election?” With that one question, you will be sucked right back into politics like a moth to a flame. A moth, by the way, who flies too close to the flame, singes his wings, and lands helplessly on the floor, only to become an improvised “cat toy” for some pussy. (Ok, maybe that was a little too dramatic. But you get the picture.)

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Every Democrat MUST ask themselves if they feel that President Obama has made things better? Yes, the popular thing to do is blame Bush for everything. However, even the dumbest of the dumb will have to admit: If President Obama cannot stabilize this country in 4 years, what good would it do to give him 4 MORE years? If you are a democrat, and you have decided that President Obama isn’t fixing things, be prepared! You will be called a racist. (Unless you are a Black person; in which case, you will be called an Uncle Tom.)

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Republicans do not have it easy, either. We must try and pick which person, out of the current collection of idiots, will cause the least amount of damage to the country.

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I have come to the conclusion that the best person conservatives could run in the 2012 election is…

The Generic Republican.

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Now, I know you are probably thinking that maybe I have taken too many painkillers, but hear me out. To date, the Generic Republican has said nothing, or done anything; to piss people off. The Tea Party seems to like the Generic Republican. Moderates MUST be voting for the Generic Republican, and even the Left has not attacked the Generic Republican like they went after Sarah Palin and Mitt Romney. The Generic Republican BEATS President Obama in every poll taken, (even liberal polls,) so this is clearly the best route.

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With President Obama being such a GREAT campaigner, the Generic Republican will not be able to stand there, quietly; forever. (Though, that might be the BEST way to go.) Eventually, this dark silhouette will have to say something. I have thought long and hard about this, and I think I have found an answer. Instead of paying 100 million bucks for attack ads, why don’t we give that 100 million to Morgan Freeman to be the voice of the Generic Republican?

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Maybe we could get Sam Elliott to voice the GR.

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Or how about the guy who was the voice of Dark Vader in Star Wars: James Earl Jones? Could you picture James Earl Jones saying: “Obama- Obama, who’s your daddy?” (Ok, maybe we shouldn’t have him say that, but it would be cool.)

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Let’s examine where we are right now…

Our shadow figure, (with no distinguishing features,) who has the voice of Morgan Freeman, Sam Elliott, or James Earl Jones, who already BEATS President Obama in every poll taken (and he hasn’t said anything yet to piss people off); without a doubt, our Generic Republican has the BEST shot of winning the 2012 election.

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Yes, there are some legal questions that must be answered. First, and foremost: Can a generic human, (with no face) EVEN run for president? This is a great question and it is true, in history; we have never had a “faceless” president. But that doesn’t mean that it is impossible. Consider this: in several State elections, a very popular person has died before the election. Even though this person is dead, people wrote in the dead person’s name on the ballot (or, in some cases the dead person’s name was already on the ballot.) And a DEAD person has won the election. So if a DEAD person can win an election, why can’t a faceless shadow person also win?

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There is one constitutional rule that could stand in our way: a presidential candidate MUST be 35 years old, and must show his Birth Certificate. (Oh..Wait.. What the hell am I talking about? I guess you DO NOT have to show your Birth Certificate UNLESS Donald Trump asks to see it.) And, since The Donald is on our side, we should have no problems here. However, with a little touch-up on photo shop, and we should be good to go.

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With all these hurtles crossed, that leaves just one problem: When we win the election, who will actually RUN the country? Let’s face it; having a Generic Human run for office was a trip and tons of fun. But we cannot have a faceless shadow person actually lead our great nation? (Though, again; that might be the BEST way to go.)

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No, we will actually need a regular human, (who has a face) to run the country.

But WHO should it be?

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How about all of them?

There are things I like about Ron Paul, but I do not like all of his ideals. Mitt Romney might be able to help with the economy. Newt could focus on the size of government. There is something I like about each one of these people. Yet, by themselves, they are “so-so.” However, together…

We will have the FIRST- “Collective President.”

Let’s face it; many on the Left claimed that it was Dick Cheney and BIG business that pulled President Bush’s strings. Also, there are those on the right who claim that George Soros and the SEIU are the puppet masters of President Obama.

We will be the FIRST to admit that one man, one woman, doesn’t fill the presidency. We will have the first “collective president.” (Plus, we would have the first female president, along with the first Mormon, second Black, and if we tossed in Jeb Bush; we would have the third “Bush family” president.

YES, the “collective” faceless Generic Republican is clearly the way to go in 2012.

There, with that problem solved; and it only took me 5 pain killers, now I can get back to weaving baskets and raising lamas. Did you know that by shaving one lama’s back, I can earn 3 bucks for the fur? That’s enough money to buy a loaf of bread. Plus, the Cheeseman just dropped off my free slab of government cheese.

“Toasted cheese sandwiches, anyone?”

Dam, life is good..!!

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Strange Days, let the freaking Aliens pass the US budget

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Strange days- when nothing seems the way it should be.
You journey through the day as if you’re walking in a dream,
all the time wondering when reality is going to kick in.
David Harris
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/strange-days-3/

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YES…
I have been gone from the Internet for awhile. I do apologize to the people who may have been worried that something happened to me. It was rude of me to just cut off ties with the blogging world; giving no explanation for a leave. You must understand that I have never been very good with long; publicized “goodbyes.” My style is better suited to fading in, and fading out with no announcement.

No…
I was not thrown in prison for being an evil conservative, and living high off the hog from money obtained from POOR people. (Nor did I push any old ladies in wheelchairs off huge cliffs.) Also, I am not a hack who works for Murdoch, and had to rush to Europe when the s**t hit the fan. Neither was I part of the team that killed Osama bin Laden. (Just wanted to put those puppies to bed.)

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I am just a blogging idiot who got tired of fighting the same political battles, (with only few exceptions) with the same people. Don’t get me wrong, I love talking with you folks out there; but I found myself typing the SAME thing- over and over, and it became- WORK. It just was not fun anymore. So I went back to using my computer for what it was originally meant for. (Downloading Pornography.)

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However, while I was watching the reality show: The Pork House, (It’s a show about three guys who BBQ pigs. Hey, don’t knock it. Last week they showed us all how to pull pork.) Anyway, they had the nerve to break into the show so that the president could give some kind of speech. You would think that the president would have the decency to wait until 11 pm to give his speech. But no… The president’s speech was about some kind of stupid debt crisis, and the total crash of the US government. (Big freaking deal. The US government has been on the verge of a “big crash” ever since I was old enough to follow politics. What’s new?)

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So I was stuck, trapped like a rat. Almost every channel that I tried, President Obama was there. (Well, except for the Travel Channel and the Hitler Channel.) So, I had little choice but to listen. Or, of course, I could have watched people buy a house on the HG channel. (I chose the president’s speech.)

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First off…

I have been waiting, for some time, for a NEW Ronald Reagan to appear in politics, and Thank God we have found him. Barack Obama is the new Reagan. Not only is Team Obama pointing out “fun facts” from the Reagan years, President Obama is now quoting Reagan. This is a good thing. It is good because maybe, somehow, either by accident or osmosis, if they are studying Reagan; THEY MIGHT JUST LEARN SOMETHING.

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It’s true..

For example, no one ever taught me that you should NEVER buy your wife (and / or girlfriend) a mop for her birthday. I just learned this fact by study and observation. So too, Team Obama may learn from Reagan.

Next, politicians make me want to yak. (Slang for puke- chuck- vomit.) Republican politicians have allowed the debt ceiling to be raised several dozen times in the last few decades, even when the republicans held the White House and Congress, they had no problem raising those debt ceilings. BUT NOW… “Oh, no, NOW we can’t allow the debt ceiling to be raised. If we do, we would give up on all of our principals.” So, it was ok to raise the debt ceiling while a member of the Republican Party is in charge, but now; no way??

I hate to bring “bigotry” into this topic, but what other reason could explain why republicans refuse to raise the debt ceiling for President Obama? Clearly, republicans HATE people from Hawaii.

Shame on the republicans. There is NO WAY that they have the votes in the Senate to pass a balanced budget amendment. Even if they did, President Obama will veto it. So, they are pissing around, acting like they are doing something BIG. (But in reality, they are doing nothing.) Weak minding people will congratulate these republicans for doing nothing. Meanwhile, the stock market could react negatively, and world banks could lower our credit rating, which could cause large- global companies to rethink about investing in America.

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Sadly, the democrats are not any better. President Obama, when he was a Senator, voted against raising the debt ceiling while GW Bush was in office. So how can any democrat say; (with a straight face) that it is terrible that republicans are not rushing to sign a debt ceiling bill? “You guys did the same f**king thing. So shut your cry-baby faces, and grow a pair.” And, for the record, stop scaring old people and the military into thinking that they will not get their checks. THEY ARE GOING TO GET THEIR CHECKS.

Both sides have done the same thing. Since the 1950’s, the “out of power party” uses this debt ceiling raise to get goodies for their party. Both Democrats and republicans have done it. And yes, the other party always bitches about it and claims that “the end is near, if we do not act quickly.”

This is what pisses me off the most; using FEAR to scare the general public into thinking that Armageddon is around the corner, if we do not act quickly. Republicans used this tactic during President Bush to get congress to sign the TARP Fund. Democrats liked this idea and decided to scare the crap out of us by saying “the end is near” if we do not pass the stimulus bill. Now democrats are using fear to get the debt ceiling increased. Stop all the scare tactics, do your freaking jobs.

Stop and think of this…

Raising the debt ceiling is nothing more than calculating a budget. You are figuring what money you will need to pay for past debts and interest; plus your future budget this year. Taken down to its basics, raising the debt ceiling is nothing more than passing a budget. With that in mind, the US Congress, (and the President) were able to pass budgets during World War’s 1 and 2. We passed many budgets during the Great Depression. Hell, even President Lincoln found a way to pass budgets during the Civil War, during a time when Lincoln lost all of the tax money that was coming from the South. Somehow, Lincoln still found a way to get budgets passed.

We have found a way to pass budgets during the worst times in American history. Yet this collection of assholes, which we elected into office, cannot seem to do their job. Shame, shame, shame.

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We all know what will happen here.

Both sides will pretend that they are “fighting for us little people.” They will sign some half-assed, watered-down deal; and they will rush to the TV microphones to tell us all “what a great job they did.” (Then they will head off for an extended vacation.) Might I suggest a great vacation in the Bermuda Triangle? (Hurricane season, anyone..??)

Just sign a stupid bill, you know you are going to sign a piss-poor bill anyway. Please skip the lecture about “what a great job you did for us little people,” and go on your GREAT Bermuda Triangle vacation.

This will allow democrats to get back to blaming Bush for everything that has gone wrong. (Why did Amy Winehouse die? Because of that F**king George Bush.)

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And I, The Angry Republican, can get back to watching stuff that really matters on TV: “Ancient Aliens” on The History Channel.

Strange Days my friends, let the freaking Aliens pass the US budget

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