The Angry Republic: Britain is revoking our Independence

(Where do Internet jokes come from?)

It was billed as the most exciting presidential race in our lifetime. (I have even commented as such.)But like a relative who’s visits and stays too long..

A relative who will not go away..

This election is wearing me down.

We are seeing TOO MUCH of these presidential candidates and getting sick of all of them.

Hillary Clinton

moved to the right of Obama. (Not a bad idea) Except, Hillary cannot seem to be able to tell the truth. If she cannot remember whether she received sniper fire in Bosnia, she is forgetting what she said and when she said it.

Anyone who still supports the Clinton’s will now have to deal with the fact that they have made $109 million dollars since Bill left office. $50 (plus) million came from Bill Clinton’s lectures- (Many lectures overseas in countries that are NOT pro-American.) Millions were donated to charity. Which is a sizable amount. But much of it was donated to the Clinton Foundation. (OK, that might be above board, but-) 13 million* is unaccountable- (* at the time of writing this editorial.)

Do the Clinton’s "really feel your pain?"

John McCain

- who should be using this "free time" (with no real challengers), to win over us conservatives. He knows that many of us have questions about his form of governing.Will he be liberal or conservative?Instead- McCain is traveling around; pissing conservatives off by talking about liberal programs like "global warming" and punishing successful companies with "wind- fall" taxes.

John McCain is making it very hard for us conservative bloggers to heal the Republican Party. How can I tell you to "give McCain a chance", when the freaking guy is running around sounding more liberal than Obama?

John McCain has no problem apologizing to Black people for NOT supporting a Martin Luther King day, (which McCain should have apologized for.)

But when will McCain apologized for stabbing us conservatives in the back with McCain- Feingold, or McCain- Kennedy?

And Barack Obama…

Obama was "the great Hope- for change." But after listening to him for a while, it would take a lot of "hope" for Obama to change anything.

If you really stood for "change," you wouldn’t have sat in that church for twenty years listening to "hate speech" delivered by a reverend who was transported from the 1960’s- "the White man is trying to kill you with AIDS.."Who do we have left..??

Ron Paul?

Ralph Nader?

Bob Barr?

I’m starting to pull my hair out.

And, (if that wasn’t enough):

You poor renters are being screwed.

All of you folks who rent housing and do not own property, you "might" be forced to pay for idiots who bought houses they cannot afford.

All of us taxpayers could be screwed.

However, the folks who are renting apartments, because they cannot afford to buy a home, you are REALLY being screwed. You might have to pay to bail out the people who cannot afford their "sub-prime" home loans.

If congress passes the 300 (to) 400 BILLION dollar bail out of sub-prime loans, I am going to puke.

This one really pisses me off..

All of the property that I own is paid off, however; I bought a laptop computer with my Sears credit card.

Why should I pay it off..??

"I was deceived..!! I thought the minimum payment would stay at $30 bucks a month. I didn’t realize the monthly payment could go to $50 a month..!! Sears was mean to me and the taxpayers should pay my bill for my laptop computer.."

Folk’s, this slide into socialism that America is taking, is really starting to scare me..!!

If you cannot pay your home mortgage payment, then you were living too far above your means. You need to claim bankruptcy and move into a rented apartment.

The taxpayers should not bail you out. The people who rent housing, because they are SMART enough to know they cannot afford a mortgage right now, should not have to pay for assholes who took out these loans and didn’t read the fine print.

Banks need to fail if they wrote loans to risky people. Stockholders will take a hit for investing in these banks, that were writing risky loans.

The system will purge itself, if we let it.

But no…

We are going to bail these people out so they can do it again, later on.

I say this many times in my blog:

Today, we Americans pay a higher percentage of taxes, then the founding fathers did, when they started the revolution against the British.

What did we have the revolution for..??

We pay higher taxes today.

We have thrown away the constitution, granting freedom and liberty, so that we will be forced to pay money to people who took out risky loans.

We will be told what light bulbs we can use in our houses.

We do not even have the option of "saving the planet.""Big Brother"

government will force automaker’s to make smaller cars.

If you need a bigger vehicle for your business, you will have a choice of a couple to choose from. Several vehicles that the supreme rulers have deem "except-able." However, you will be taxed for the CO2 that you are putting out.

And we wonder why American companies are leaving our shores..??

Why did we have an American Revolution..??

What good is it if we are drifting into socialism..??

Which reminds me of an old Internet joke…

This joke probably dates back to the 2000 election. But it has been recycled many times.

People claim it was written by Monty Python Member John Cleese (also, star of the movie "a Fish called Wanda.")John Cleese probably DIDN’T write this. (However, it is fun to think that he did.)

Since we Americans cannot pick a "good" president. Since we have screwed up our "Independence," and cannot govern ourselves…

Britain is revoking our Independence…

Dear Citizens of America,

In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminum," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.2. The letter ’U’ will be reinstated in words such as ’colour’, ’favour’ and ’neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ’doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix ’burgh’ is pronounced ’burra’; you may elect to spell Pittsburgh as ’Pittsberg’ if you find you simply can’t cope with correct pronunciation.

4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

5. There is no such thing as "American English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ’u’ and the elimination of "-ize."

6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",

but only after fully carrying out Task 1 (see above).

7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."

8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.

9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables… Both roundabouts and metrification will help you understand the British sense of humour.

12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") - roughly $8/US per gallon. Get used to it.

13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call french fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with malt vinegar.

14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors as English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one’s ear removed with a cheese grater.

17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer". Those of you brave enough, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of Jessies - English slang for "Big Girls Blouse").

18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game, which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable and forgiven.

19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.

20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation.

John Cleese

(Note) again, John Cleese probably didn’t write this old joke. If you are interested in where this joke may have come from:

Click this link here.